Week 674: Limerixicon 3


A train and a woman who's loose
Share a part that they put to good use:
As they pass you right by
You can't help but espy
Their beguilingly swaying caboose.

It's time for our annual visit to the Omnificent English Dictionary in
Limerick Form, whose founder, the heroically steadfast Chris J. Strolin,
is still plugging away assiduously toward his goal of compiling one or
more limericks for every word in the English language. About this time
last year, we helped Chris J. beef up his stock of words beginning with
bd- through bl-. Now, as his collection of five-liners has burgeoned from
17,000 last year past the 30,000 mark, he has finally made it to: the
C's! This week: Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the
dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. The limerick can
define the word or simply illustrate its meaning. For the Empress's
guidelines on rhyme and meter, see the link at http://www.oedilf.com./
Her standards are stricter than some people's, looser than others. Once
we run the results on Sept. 3, you may submit your entries (getting ink
here or not) to the Oedilfers as well.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives a night light in the shape of a forlorn-looking hula
dancer in grass skirt and coconut bra, at right, picked up for us at the
famously famous Ron Jon Surf Shop by Ed Gordon of Hollywood, Fla. Well,
you wouldn't look so happy, either, if someone stuck YOUR butt in an
electric socket.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 14. Put "Week 674" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Sept. 3. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary. This
week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart.

Report From Week 670, in which we asked you to compare or contrast two words that differ by one
letter:

4 Osama and Osaka: Given five years, the CIA might find Osaka. (Brendan
Beary, Great Mills)

3 Whores and chores: My wife has never given me a list of whores to do on
my day off. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

2 The winner of the rubber skull with eyeballs and stuff inside: Bra and
bar: Only one of them will open to serve drinks to minors. (Art Grinath,
Takoma Park)
And the Winner of the Inker:

Patient and patent: Drug companies will wring every penny out of each one
before it expires. (Ben Aronin, White Plains, N.Y.)
No Lo(w)er (S)ins

Ballet and bullet: Men tend to have the same general reaction when faced
with either of them, but unfortunately there's no such thing as a
speeding ballet. (Paul Whittemore, Spotsylvania, Va.)

The difference between global warming and global arming is W; actually,
that's also what they have in common. (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

Genial and genital: It's okay to greet your neighbors with a genial wave.
(Brendan Beary)

George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush: One stopped fighting the war in
Iraq; the other fights stopping the war in Iraq. (Rob Kloak, Springfield)

The capital and the Capitol: One hosts the seat of government; the other
hosts the rear end of government. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Latin and Latina: I don't mind lots of homework conjugating the latter.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

There's no difference between PBS and PMS. They both put me in a state of
blind, irrational fury. Then again, so does pretty much everything else.
-- A. Coulter (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

God and GOP: It's hard to protect yourself from acts of either. (Yoyo
Zhou, Cambridge, Mass.)

Bondo and Bonds: One is a synthetic body filler; the other is a body
filled with synthetics. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Whiskers and whiskeys: If you have a lot of whiskers when you wake up in
the morning, not a problem. (Brendan Beary)

Apple and ample: These words mean the same, as in "How 'bout them
amples?" (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Bush and bust: The difference between a president and his presidency.
(Marni Penning, White Plains, N.Y.)

Midol relieves an annoying, recurring headache; Idol produces one. (Ira
Allen)

Bird and Byrd: One goes with white wine, the other with pork. (Russell
Beland, Springfield)

Bench and belch: People will sit next to you after you show them a nice
long bench. (Ned Bent)

Bush and blush: One of them demonstrates self-consciousness and the
capacity for embarrassment. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

Mind and hind: One is a terrible thing to waste, and, well, so is the
other . -- J. Dahmer (Chris Doyle)

Condi and Bondi: One is diplomatic and pleasant, and the other's a beach.
(John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Chaney and Cheney: One is the Man With a Thousand Faces, while the other
is only two-faced. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington; Howard Walderman,
Columbia)

Mission Accomplished: Failure in Iraq. Fission Accomplished: Failure in
Iran. (Chris Doyle)

Vader and Nader: Darth ultimately failed to empower the Dark Side. (Dave
Kelsey, Fairfax)

Fast supper and Last Supper: One involves a happy meal. (Art Grinath)

The difference between "who" and "whom" is that there are many people
whom I believe misuse the latter. (Chris Doyle; Roy Ashley, Washington)

Yuri and Suri: One is known for a little cruise made by a space
scientist; the other is a little Cruise made by a spacey Scientologist.
(Veggo Larsen, Palmetto, Fla.)

Copulating and populating: One is when two people become one; the other
is when two people become three. (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

The difference between a stud and a spud: About 10 years of marriage.
(Chris Doyle)

World Cup and World Cop: Two things the United States is really lousy at.
(Kevin Dopart)

The difference between Mt. McKinley and Mr. McKinley is, oh, about 20,325
feet. Plus 6. (Chris Doyle)

Pork and park: If you don't know the difference, I'm not letting you park
my car. (Mark Eckenwiler)

The difference between affect and effect is, uh, see, uh, the difference
is that when you affect something, it's affected, whereas when you effect
something, it's effected, see. -- G.W.B., Washington (Charlie Wood, Falls
Church)

Rome and Rove: Only one of them got sacked. (Barbara Sarshik, McLean)

Film noir is a sultry genre of movie. MILF noir is a sultry genre of
mommy. (Tom Witte)

Maxima and Maxim: One has an automatic transmission, and the other is for
the guy who handles a stick. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

The difference between hag and shag is the difference between oink and
boink. (Tom Witte)

The similarity between yoga and Yogi is that neither one is anything like
the other. (Brendan Beary)

And Last: Drive and drivel: You don't need a lot of drive to succeed in
The Style Invitational. (Brendan Beary)

And Laster: The difference between mature and manure is the difference
between A1 and D2. (Mark Eckenwiler; Brendan Beary)

And Even Lasterer: The difference between a laser and a Loser is that one
is bright and the other is, um, unbright. (Kevin Dopart)

Next Week: Join Now! or Breaking and Entering